Pocket Tazer Stun Gun

Received this story in an email, thought it was worth passing on!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift
for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted
this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer
were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on
your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??


WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I
loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!


Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the
face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I
sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)
while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try
this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought
about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it.
She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife
to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
Perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from
such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. ..

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had
never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note
Of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would
be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that poin t), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were
still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a
significant reward for their safereturn!

P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and
now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

Disneyworld in December

Last weekend Kim (my wife) decided to take a trip to sunny Floriday and use up some left over tickets we had to Disney World. We flew to Florida friday morning only to find the entore florida area socked in by rain! We left Virginia to get away from the cold nasty weather only to find the same thing in Florida. Our rental car was great! We rented a Dodge Charger and this is a car I would love to have in a few years. This was just a basic entry level Charger but with the wet roadds you had to be gentle on the gas to keep from spinning the wheels. We stayed in a midlevel hotel that isn't even worth mentioning. The best thing about the hotel was it was about 100' from a Pizza Hut. The hotel wasn't bad....it was just a hotel. We spend the day/night friday doing some shopping and looking for umbrellas to carry into the parks because the weather forecast for Saturday was for more of the same. We ended up with a couple umbrells that we found in a Walmart. After Walmart we ventured into Downtown Disney and saw hundreds of people wearing cheap Disney ponchos! That seems much easier then the umbrells that were getting caught up in the wind! We looked around and couldn't find these ponchos anyplace so we finally asked a Disney person where they were located. The answer was easy...they were at every register! On saturday morning the clouds were still around but the rain had lightened to a drizzle instead of the steady rain that we found on friday. Went got McDonalds for breakfast where I saw a lady tearing up pancakes with her hads for her child as she sneexed into her arm. Mother of the year! The first park we went to was Epcot Center to ride the Sorin ride. This is one of the ride that everyone raved about but we had missing on our previous visits. The ride is a simulator that is like flying in a hang glider. IMO, it could have been better! The film you fly over/with is of poor quality and when you transfer from 1 scene to another (oceans to mountains) it is just a quick change to not at all fluid. Not very Disney like.
We walked around Epcot for a while doing a few more rides but then left to go to Disney World itself. Disney World was Ok but having been there 2-3 other times it was kind of old. They really need to change some stuff! The rain finally did clear out and the last half of the day was nice, cloudy but nice. It was a good weekend away just for a change of scenery but I am not interested in going back to disney parks any time soon. I would go to Florida again to visit some of the other attractions like Sea World, Universal, MGM Studios, etc.

Bodies in Shallow Graves

Yesterday, just a mile or so from me as the crow flies they found a body buried in a shallow grave. It was a females remains that were found by a hiker or jogger. The news crew felt the need to report that the police suspect "foul play". I cant recall the last time I heard of a body being found in a shallow grave that was not the result of "foul play". It's not like you can kill yourself, throw your body in a grave and then fill the grave in with dirt. Oh, make sure you scatter some leaves around so nobody discovers what you have done too youself. I think we all knew it was "foul play" without the assistance of the news crew. The minute they said body and shallow grave we should have known something was wrong. Anyway, to the parents, family and friends of this person I am sorry for your lose. Now I want to know who is killing people and sticking them is shallow graves so close to my house!

Smoke Detectors and their Batteries!

Why is it that smoke detector batteries only die in the middle of the night? There I was, sleeping away, knowing I didn't have to get up super early when the smoke dectector started chirping! You know that dame little chirp goes off every minute or two to let you know that it needs a new battery. That little chirp that just loud enough so you cant ignore it. That smoke dectector started chirping at 5:15AM, a full hour and a half before I had to get up. So I get up, listen to the chirp for a few minutes to determine which smoke dectector it was and then get a chair to reach the damn thing. Once I got to it and opened it up, I had to go through 3-4 batteries to find one that suited it. I even disconnected the smoke detector from the main power at one point to shut it up but it appears to have an internal power source to power the chirp. Oh well, it's fixed now!

OK, Halloween is behind me now and this is the only picture of the display I plan on posting here. If you would like to see the rest of the pictures, you may do so by following the link below. I realize I am jumping around a bit but this blogger thisg is a little new and I think its pretty clear that I got away from it for a while. I will try and do better!

www.facebook.com/ross.anger?ref=name#/album.php?aid=2026707&id=1064785235

Teenagers!

So there we are, me and the lovely wife curled up in bed watching TV when at 10:10PM, the phone rings. It wasn't one of our cell phones that are always within easy reach but the living room phone that Kim will have to answer because I dont answer that phone. I figure that if you need me call my cell. Anyway, on the phone is Parker, her 17year old teenage soon who has been driving about 4 months. He has wrecked his car, he thinks he dropped a tire off the road and over corrected. Nobody is injured and he has already called the police and fire dept. We get dressed and drive to the scene. When we get there a state trooper is walking a rolling tape measure up the street measuing the 240' of skid marks! Dropped a tire off the road my butt! After it all got sorted out, he was traveling between 70-75mph tring to keep up with a friend his when he lost control of the car. The back end came around and off the left side of the road he went ...right into a tree! Both air bags deployed, the front of the car crushed in about 18". The car is totalled! He thinks it was karma that caused his accident! What a knucklehead!

Sandals in the winter?

The day after Thanksgiving....the busiest shopping day of the year! The tempature outside today was in the mid 40s with a nice little wind going on to decrease the warmth even further. I must have seen 5-6 women walking around in sandals and heavy winter coats trying to keep warm. They had their nasty white winter feet all out in the cold for everyone to admire! I just dont get it. Go home, put on soem shoes and socks so you are warm and we dont have to look at your nasty feet and then come back out in public. Good Grief Charlie Brown!

A toilet nearly ate my wife!

OK, to start things off I think it's fair to say that I am a Halloween enthusiast. In 2007 I built a rather large coffin with a lid that opened and closed using a pneumatic cylinder. Inside this coffin, which I stood on its end, was a skeleton that was sitting on a toilet. This prop was not designed to scare anyone. It was an amusing little prop that was there to entertain. This year I decided to change things up a little bit so I added sound to the coffin and had the skeleton stand up and talk when the door opened. After the skelton said what he had to say, he would sit back down on the toilet and the door would close. So, I get this thing all assembled and programmed and called the wife to view my creation and give me her opinion. So, I drigger the coffin, the door opens, the skeleton stands up and starts talking, he sits back down and just when the door is about ready to close the wife (Kim) decides it would be a good time to step into the path of the door. There is no stopping the door! The pneumatic cylinder is going to close! The door closes, squishing the wife and breaking the wood the hinges are attached store snapping the door off! The good news, Kim was uninjured! The restomb has now been repaired and aside from possible changing the sounds comming from the prop it's about finished. Here is the prop as viewed on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_jcruU3Vk8